Your dream starts as soon as you wake up

My name is Priscilla and I'm hot stuff! I was born in Oak Park, Illinois, and I'm now stuck in the hell hole that is goody, goody Mormon Utah. I know lucky me, but if I keep myself around my friends I think I'll survive.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Oh God! A Blog!

I know. I know. I'm pathetic. I haven't blogged in like ages, and it is because of that, that I believe this might be a complete waste of my energy...For I doubt that like any of you even bother to still check mine...Oh well. I'm going to write a little spat anyway...
So I'm going to first clear something up that is apparently everywhere and everyone is too damned chicken to say anything about it, so they have just been standing around back talking about this little thought and hoping that I'm not a complete moron (which I would like to clairify...I'M NOT!). I HAVE NOT HAD SEX! I say this because I was recently informed that there is a huge rumor going around between my "friends" that I have been sluffing classes to go run off and get pregnant. Which I for one am actually kind of offended by...Do I really look like a cheap slut to you?! Whatever I think this rant is done before I get really angry and start yelling at my computer or something...

Monday, January 02, 2006

Damn

This Is My Life, Rated
Life: 6.8
Mind: 6.1
Body: 6.4
Spirit: 5.5
Friends/Family: 5.3
Love: 6.9
Finance: 5.5
Take the Rate My Life Quiz
Damn. That's all I have to say. Damn.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

This Is My Life, Rated
Life: 4.9
Mind: 4.8
Body: 5.5
Spirit: 5
Friends/Family: 3.7
Love: 2.9
Finance: 5.2
Take the Rate My Life Quiz
I told you that it could be worse Zack...

Monday, October 31, 2005

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Greatest Holiday Ever! Okay...I'm done...

Thursday, October 27, 2005

YAY

Okay, so yesterday started off really, really crappy and ended up being like freaking awesome! First I was late to school, then I learned that my techers suck, I worked my ass off to get my grades up to decent (sadly it grew back), I found out that my friend was flying to New York and totally spaced telling me until like right before she left, then I had a Bishops interview and I had to go to Young Women's, then I found out that a guy that I kind of liked has no chance in hell of liking me as anything more than a friend (no Michelle it's not him), and I had to stay up and write 2 essays last night (sadly I finished one took a break to research the other one and feel asleep...oh well, it's on next term, anyway).
But it's okay now, because I go my freaking award so I NEVER have to go to Young Women's again, but I might go to camp this year because they aren't letting my BITCH of a Young Women's president go down this year and the leaders who are in charge are like me...but they act LDS. My Bishop told me that he appreciates my honestly about not liking any of the shit in my ward, because he can tell that there are a lot of poeple who agree with me but have been taught that you NEVER tell a Bishop things like that, granted I was taught that too...I just don't care. He asked so I told him flat out. He's cool now that I don't have to smile and pretend to give a damn. Then after all of thatI found out that my best friend doesn't have to move. The legal system can actually do something right every once in a while. Well I have to go because the bell is going to ring! Loves to you all!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Scared

Scared. That is what I am. I am scared. Scared about everything. Life, death, happy, sad...Everything that I thought I was so sure of, is suddenly coming crashing down around me...not literally. Everything is still in place...my friends...my school...my goals...my life...but I'm scared, because I look at it all and I think, "What if I really can't do this? What if I try and it's just not meant to happen? What happens if I try so hard just to end up at 30 with nothing to show for it?" It scares me.
SCARED
I feel so scared,
I'm screwing up,
Making mistakes,
I'm afraid,
Afraid of everything I do,
I can't think straight,
My mind keeps ending up in the same place,Death,
It scares me,
I don’t wanna think about it,
It makes me cry when I don’t want to,
It haunts me,
I laugh,I laugh so much,
They think I'm happy,
I'm not,I'm crying,
Crying like hell,
Bleeding uncontrollably,
I make so many people happy,
Everybody likes me,
I don’t,I hate me,
I scare myself,
I cut myself,
I hurt myself,
I hurt myself more than others can ever hurt me,
It takes me to places I don’t want to go to,
It makes me enter places that haunt me in my sleep,
It tortures me,
It forces me,
It takes me to a dark room,
I'm lonely,
With no windows,
I'm crying,
I cant breathe,
Im so scared,
I can't move,
It's coming closer,
Closer,It's really close,
I feel it really close to me,
Breathing on my face,
Coming even closer,
I can feel it,
It whispers in my ear,
Times up.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Stupid tech...

Oh my gosh. Banking and Finance is the biggest waste of a credit ever aside from Seminary, but we're not going there. I hate being in this class. Although I have to admit I appreciate the extra hour and a half of sleep. Okay, so today in tech I was late again....oops. And at the end of class Mr. Criman came up to me and told me that we were going to be having our first Tech Olympics meeting at 7 'o' clock tomorrow. I think I might cry I really don't want to have anything to do with Tech this year at the High School. I'm not sure why...it could be that all of the energy that I have, is slowly being drained into this miserable year; with working at the SCERA and all the tech stuff at Mountain View. I really love it, and I know I'm good at it, but there really is only so much a teenager can handle. I think that is the main reason...but at the same time I just reall don't like what it's doing to me. For example, it's not like being a High School student isn't painful enough, I'm now a High School student who never sleeps, eats barely anything and when she does it's always from MAVERICK, and who is trying to do about a thousand things at once...I think being in High School and working for a theater should be illegal. But alas...it's not. Another thing that it could be is the people. Like in Tech class. I'm sure it's just my being stupid, but I really don't appreciate the way that any of the little newbies are acting. Not the junior or senior newbies but the actual NEWBIES...the goonie little sohpmores who make me want to just cry. They're so obnoxious. Okay. I'm done. I feel like such a brat when I vent...

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

I hate thinking

"Guess who's going to Shakespeare! Guess who's going to Shakespeare!"
I never thought that words that once filled my life with so much joy would in just a couple of years, come back to make my life miserable. Yesterday, at about four in the afternoon, I got a phone call from, Patricia, my little sister, saying exactly that.
"Guess who's going to Shakespeare! Guess who's going to Shakespeare!"
Once I found out the news, I couldn't control myself. I flew completely off the handle. I kicked, I screamed, I yelled, I swore. And I know that sounds like such an extreme reaction to my little sister going to a three day High School competition, but you just don't realize how much this affects me, how much I have to change in order for this to happen.
Many people have heard the philosophy that there are many different sides to a person, and sad though it is to admit. I am definitely one of those people, not because I want to be, but because different people have met me at different parts of my life, and I don't care how many times you say,"I'll be your friend no matter how you are," or," I love you no matter how you have changed". This summer and this school year so far proves that almost all of you are full of crap. I know I have changed. I'm not stupid, but thanks for implying it anyway. Well, Patricia thinks she knows me, but she only knows what I allow her to see, and that's not a lot. I don't want her to know how I am, because I don't want her to become like me. I always told myself, oh I'll never do this and I'll never do that, but I grew up and my opinions changed and I changed. My personality and my attitude have shown that I am the kind of person who can't just be told what to and what not to do, or when to and when not to do something. I'm the kind of person who learns through experimentation, not always the best method, but not the worst either.
I have so much more to say, but I'm not sure how much more I want to write up right now, so I'm going to go to bed because I have a Shakespeare meeting in the morning...Good night.

Life...I think

Okay, I just had to get on and blog about today! This blog is more to help me try to understand why I'm having a hard time right now, because to be one hundred percent honest I don't know. Ever since school has started I have had a hard time trying to juggle school, with all the AP classes and extracurricular stuff, and work with the hours upon hours of work that you have to put in, or at least I have to put in, in order to feel like I deserve the paycheck (and sometimes...let me rephrase that most of the time I still don't), then I have my family telling me that I'm not home enough and that I'm going to die because I don't eat, I don't sleep, I'm barely getting homework done and I'm always chock (is that how you spell that?) full of caffeine! I never have any time anymore. and as many times as I tell other people that they can't die and that they need sleep and they need food, I never seem to pay attention...I don't know if that's because it's me and I just don't care because I have told myself so many times that I will prove them wrong and I will survive and I will balance it all without going insane or if I am just a hypocrite because it's them that are telling me. Then on top of all of that, you have the drama at the High school (and no I don't mean the program) and the drama at the SCERA. Like I don't have enough of that being in a drama program! ::breathing:: Another thing I noticed was, the other day I was sitting in class and I started thinking about something that was frustrating me then I started writing down names...I could swear I had 25 names on that list and every one of them I just wanted to run over with a train...I used to only have like 5. I don't know if that's because I'm becoming bitchier or if it's just something I'm going through where I need a change of environment or in friends or schedule, but I really do feel bad. Well I had better go actors are starting to show up for rehearsal...Loves!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

English

Oh my hell! English Honors is going to be so fetching awesome this year! I am so glad we have someone who at least acts like they know how to teach, unlike that stupid Mrs. Pettigrew. Duh! Anway, so today we went over some of the kinds of assignments that we would be doing over the year and starting in like 2 weeks we're going to be starting doing analytical blogs at least once a week! It is so awesome! Anyway...I just thought I'd let you all know about that.
My other classes are cool, there are only a couple that I'm worried about, like...BANKING AND FINANCE!!! Stupid waste of energy...::mumbles under her breath:: Anyway, there will probably be more about that in the future...Well I'm going to run away! Loves!

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Randomness

Okay, so to correct the dumbness that was yesterday. I decided that I was going to put a bunch of random quiz results for last night when I was trying to make myself feel "normal" again, so here is goes....

Take the quiz:
"What'>http://www.zenhex.com/quiz.php?id=8445">"What kind of eyes do you have? (with pictures)"

Green
You have green eyes. Green is the color of balance. Your eyes symbolize your ever need to learn. Green brings peace and harmony into our lives, as you may be a very optimistic person. At times you may be placid, lethargic, lazy, and slow, to the point of becoming moody and depressed. You may also be apathetic and have a fear rejection. Do not feel bad though, for what you may lack, you can in your ability to heal and bring hope to people. Some words to describe you: growth, fertility, harmony, healing, refreshing, peaceful, contentment, satisfaction, confidence, prosperous, hopeful, lucky, and beautiful.

Take the quiz:
"What'>http://www.zenhex.com/quiz.php?id=21492">"What kind of shoe are u?"

Converse
You are awesome converse!

Take the quiz:
"What'>http://www.zenhex.com/quiz.php?id=4840">"What is your inner beauty fairy?"

Angel Fairy
You are Angel Fairy! You are a very cute girl and you seem to understand your friends alot. That's what makes you a great friend. You like to listen to other fairies and you love to LOVE.

Take the quiz:
"Which'>http://www.zenhex.com/quiz.php?id=16537">"Which stunning spirit of emotion are you?(amazingly beautiful anime pics!)"

You are the Spirit of Hope.
You are the Spirit of Hope. Whenever someone is feeling down, they merely have to think of you to make them happy again. You have the ability to simply radiate happiness. You can make friends quickly because your strong point is your amazingly friendly nature which naturally people want to be with. You think about the best in everything, a total optimist, you won't have any trouble getting a worthy person to share your life with!

Well with that all done...I'm going to leave you with that randomness....

I wish I knew...

So here's the deal. All freaking day today I have felt like total shit, but the thing that is really bothering me is that I don't know why. See I wouldn't have as hard of a time with this feeling if I just understood why I feel this way, but I don't understand why I feel this way...I just do. So all day I have been staring off into space trying to figure out why the hell I feel this way and I've been creeping people out (for which I apologize), and had people asking me, "Are you okay?" and I honestly don't know what to say, because I could say, "No!", but then the obvious question that follows that is why and I don't know how I would answer that, "You know what I wish I knew... " as I stare off into space again. I hate feeling like this and I just don't know what to do. I hate this. Sorry if any of you now think I'm an uncontrollable whiner, but I just needed to help some people out and hopefully figure somethings out myself....I'm sorry.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

My Schedule

Hey, hey, hey ya'll! So here are all of my classes. Let me know if any of ya'll have any of them.
A1- Theater Tech with Criman
A2- Banking and Finance with Walker/Karst
A3- Seminary
A4- Honors English 11 with Rich

B1- Medical Anatomy with Revelli
B2- Algebra 2 with Robert
B3- Paychology with Fong
B4- AP US History with Carpenter
And because I said everytime I'm going to answer number seven now.
7. Tag 5 people.
Okay, so I decided screw tagging just five people, I'm going to tag anyone and everyone who reads this blog! Ha! I win! I win! Well I'm going to leave now. Loves!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Change of plans....

Hey guys! So here is the new deal. The whole taking a class at Orem fell through because my Mom suddenly decided it would be to hard on her. Yeah, you heard it...on HER. so she wouldn't let me enroll in the class. LOOPHOLE! So here's the deal, I'm taking Seminary full year during A3, so that every so often I can skip Seminary and go over and visit the tech class...and though that might not be appreciated, it's going to happen, because I'm stubborn. I know, I sound like a brat. But I want to know if any of you would be willing to like loan me a car so that like I said every once in a while I could go over and visit. It would be just to go to Orem High, and to drive back and I would get it back at the beginning of lunch and I'd pay for the gas I use. I know I'm a dork, but I really want to do this. Anyway...Now that I'm done with that and you all think I'm insane. I'm going to answer question number six.
6. Name one event that has changed your life.
I can only pick one?! Well, that's no fun, but I'll do it anyway. I guess for me I would have to say 9th grade. As many of you know, 9th grade changed me so much. Before 9th grade I was this sweet, naive, innocent little Mormon girl (if some of you can picture that), and after 9th grade I became an obnoxious, rude, obscene little brat (and some of you know that more than others). I don't want to admit that, that is the way that I am, but to be completely honest I am. Roger told me that one day this summer. He commented that though I may look cute and innocent, underneath it all I'm a bitch in disguise. He wasn't trying to be mean or to make me feel bad, he was just trying to be blunt and tell me what he had noticed after getting to know me as more than just "Kendall's friend" (with a wink). I really have changed a lot in the last 2 or 3 years, and it's not all bad changes...just different from what my family or my friends are used to. I have had quite a few of what I thought were close friends abandon me because of it, but in the end I guess that just shows that we weren't as close as I thought we were. There are some who changed with me and decided that they didn't like it as much as they thought that they did, there are others that have changed with me and have decided that they do like it, but there are others who stuck with it and decided that I'm not going to accept anything except for what you were, and I feel bad about that, but I'm not going to change and be uncomfortable just to make one person happy. I'm going to stop rambling now. I hope all of that made sense and it's not just venting to make sense to me...although that is good too...Well, Loves!

Friday, August 12, 2005

I need some help....

Okay, so I have a couple of things to accomplish in this blog and for one of them I am going to need some help. So here it goes. I have this dilemma that I need to resolve as soon as possible, which you'll all understand in a moment. While I was working at the SCERA this summer I became really good friends with a few of the kids who work there and a couple of them are going to Orem High and a they're all involved with Drama. Now as we all know Syd Riggs (I apologize if I misspelled that) passed away this summer and they filled her position with a lady named Pam Peterson, who was the choir director at Canyon View. And one of my friends who is involved with Tech, was debating on whether to take Tech from Mountain View or Orem, because of some "differences of opinion" between her and Pam. I tried to persuade her to go to Mountain View, but Orem eventually won the debate. So a couple of weeks ago we were talking and I suggested that she take like a semester at Mountain View as well as Orem. During this conversation, she tried to persuade me to do the same and I told her I'd talk to my parents about it, because I do have a few other friends in the class and it would be a good experience for me. The only problem with that is I have no way of getting to Orem for the class. I can pay to take it, I have a free period at the same time, and my parents are fine with my taking it as long as my grades stay up. So my dilemma is that I need to find a ride so that I know for sure that I can go over to Orem and register for the class and get that crossed of my list of never ending things to do. So if any of you have any idea or comments on the issues that aren't," I refuse to befriend someone who is enrolled at my rivaling school!" I would appreciate them. Okay and number two is of course is question number five, now that number four decided to exist.
5. Someone is visiting your hometown/place where you live at the moment. Name two things you regret your city not having, and two things people should avoid.
Okay, so I totally know the first one, but I'm not to sure about the second one...I'll think on that, but the answer to number one is:I regret Orem not having a nice little downtown street. I don't even care if it's fake, but something kind of like the riverwoods, but closer and more like what you see in the movies...the cute little 50's restaurants and little shops that teenagers can afford instead of Williams and Sonoma and fancy little Italian places. And two a nice little coffee shop or cafe` type shop where people can just hang out after school or hang out just for fun. I wish I lived in more of a quaint little town instead of a growing attempt at a city.So for number two I honestly don't think I know enough about my own city to suggest anything to avoid. Unless I comment on things like ridiculous stake dances or pathetic national chains that you would find anywhere. So I'm going to stop now before I hurt myself trying to think of something else. Thanks for reading my ramblings. Please help with me with my previous dilemma! Thank you!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Why does it hate me?!?!

Okay, so this is like the third time that I've written this same blog and everytime my computer gets upset and shuts itself down, then when I rewrite it my answers become slightly twisted. Curse you stupid computer! So we're going to try this again and hopefully it will survive. Here goes nothing! Question number four is:
4. If you had three wishes that were not supernatural, what would they be?
Okay, so the other people who have answered this question have taken the caring, "I love the world" road on this, but Trish decided to not only mention that she would wish for those things as well, but to take a different route and say things she would wish for, for herself and her family; like being completely debt free or a decent car. If I were wishing for the whole planet I would say: One, that we would all think about one another as equals, therefore erasing all prejudice. Two, to stop all, and I mean ALL war, because it honestly doesn't solve anything. And three, That there would be no more world hunger - I know it sounds like such a beauty contest answer - because then maybe we could work out the infections, diseases, and so on and so forth. If I were wishing for myself, I would say: One, That I would have a garaunteed source of money to get me all the way through college and through the first 2 years after, so I have to oppurtunity to start a good career. Two, that I would never lose contact with the people who I love the most, the ones who I know love me for being just that...me. And three, that I can keep my sanity long enough to start my career and my family. Anyway...I think I'm going to be done now. I hope this one works and if it doesn't I might just stop trying and pretent that number foud no longer exsists...Loves!

Friday, August 05, 2005

Hey Ya'll! I'm back to answer question number 3! I know you're all syked! Anyway...here it is:

3. If you were given a time machine that functioned, and you were allowed to only pick up to five people to dine with, who would you pick?

Well, I think right now in my life that would depend on how I felt that day. Like if I was in a mood to be with people I feel completely comfortable to talk to who are my age I would say Casey, Michelle, Zach, and Cameron...I know weird, considering I've only known Michelle and Zack for about two and a half months, and I only met Cameron like 2 days ago. Anyway, if I wanted to be with people who I like to be around in generalI would say Debbie, Kendall, Casey, Lisa and Sarah...also weird, but at least you all know them.... If I wanted to be with people who I will miss when they leave Roger, Fletcher, Heather Rae, then Michelle and Zack because they're cool. If I wanted to be around people who I haven't talked to in a while I would say Mollie, Jessy, Rachel, Bryn, and Kim. If I had to pick people that I have studied and am curious about I would say John F.Kennedy, Anne Frank, Adolf Hitler, Thomas Jefferson, and Benjamin Franklin. If I wanted to pick people who were fictional I would pick The Baudelaire Children, Harry Potter, and Alvin Miller. Okay, I'm done...with my examples...right now the five people that I would pick to "dine" with would be Michelle, Casey, Zack, Roger, and Fletcher. I love those guys. For this summer they have been some of my best friends and they better stay that way! I love you guys! Well that was long-ish...I'm going to leave now. Night!

Saturday, July 30, 2005

True To My Word...

Oh my gosh! I have been so freaking busy like the last month, that I could go sit in a corner and sleep for like another week before I feel like I have enough energy to actually do anything "normal" again. I thought I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off during last school year; trying to juggle all the class with their mounds of homework, tech and it's ten trillion shows, friends and all their drama, my family always being upset about my psychotic schedule, not to mention all the other ridiculous shit that teenagers have to deal with everyday such as enemies they don't want and didn't plan on having to deal with, those stupid raging hormones, people forcing them to deal with their jealousy, people who feel the need to make themselves feel better by starting stupid rumors about other people...God! Teenagers all act so infantile! You would think that after 16 years some people would grow up. Teenagers must exist just to prove that theory wrong. Wow. We suck.
Anyway...I'm finally done rambling about that, and if all of you that hate me because of those thoughts...that's cool. Now, true to my word, I'm going to answer the second question from Trish. So here goes:

2. At the current moment, who has the most influence in your life?

To tell the complete and honest truth. I'm going to have to say my friends. Not those people who surround me and call themselves my friends but the people who have really proven that they really do love me for who I am, and who have proven to be trustworthy with the things that really matter to me in my life...(could I sound more fairy tale?) I finally realized the other day that for once in my life I feel like I'm actually in control. Almost my whole life I have felt like I'm always just waiting for the next person to come along and boss me around then get sick of me and throw me away. So I'm going to have to say my real friends are the people who influence me the most right now.
Well, I'm going to go to sleep now. Loves to ya'll!

Friday, July 22, 2005

Busted Stuff

Okay, so I was surfing the web one day when I happened upon this kick ass blog, written by,"Trish, 38, morning radio jock, punk rock mom, superhero and all around awesome babe." Anyway, in one of her blogs she explained how she was tagged by a friend of hers and so she had to go through and answer these questions. After all that the last question was,"Tag 5 people." So she put 4 of her friends, then for number five she put,"whatever other unfortunate fools who happen upon this and feel so inclined to join the fun..." So I decided what the hell, but instead of answering all of them at once, I'm going to do one per blog. So here goes the first one.

1. What were three of the stupidest things you have done in your life?

This of course is not an easy question to answer. But here are three stupid thigs that I have done.
Lying. Won’t go into the details, but really I don’t need to say more. They always come back to bite you on the ass.

Trusting. I know that sounds weird to say that, that was one of the stupid things that I have done, but it was. Not trusting in general but putting trust in the wrong people.

Giving up. There have been times in my short life that I have given up on certain things, or certain people, and know I look back and wish I couldn've tried just a little bit longer.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Long Time No Blog...

I finally went through and read some of the comments that were left on my last few blogs and deicded that it had been way to long and I needed to blog again. At first when I went to sign in I was afraid that I had forgotten my password, but come to find out my memory isn't half bad for stuff like that, so here I am blogging again...well almost...
The messed up thing about me and blogging is that there are so many things that I need to say, that I need to express, but I always have to little trust or to few words to to say them. All of my friends seem to have no problems telling the whole world their problems and everyone is so accepting of their mistakes and of their downfalls, but it never feels like that when I finally trust someone it's more of a "Judge! Judge! Judge!" ::while stabbing my arm:: or "Oh my God! You'll never guess what Priscilla just told me!" ::it screams across the room::. The first scenario is more of a fear, the second an actual nightmare come true. I wish I could trust people like all of the people around me seem to do, but I just can't.
I'm just going to trail off into nothing-ness now...I might pick this up later....I don't know yet. Goodbye.......