Your dream starts as soon as you wake up

My name is Priscilla and I'm hot stuff! I was born in Oak Park, Illinois, and I'm now stuck in the hell hole that is goody, goody Mormon Utah. I know lucky me, but if I keep myself around my friends I think I'll survive.

Monday, October 31, 2005

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Greatest Holiday Ever! Okay...I'm done...

Thursday, October 27, 2005


Okay, so yesterday started off really, really crappy and ended up being like freaking awesome! First I was late to school, then I learned that my techers suck, I worked my ass off to get my grades up to decent (sadly it grew back), I found out that my friend was flying to New York and totally spaced telling me until like right before she left, then I had a Bishops interview and I had to go to Young Women's, then I found out that a guy that I kind of liked has no chance in hell of liking me as anything more than a friend (no Michelle it's not him), and I had to stay up and write 2 essays last night (sadly I finished one took a break to research the other one and feel asleep...oh well, it's on next term, anyway).
But it's okay now, because I go my freaking award so I NEVER have to go to Young Women's again, but I might go to camp this year because they aren't letting my BITCH of a Young Women's president go down this year and the leaders who are in charge are like me...but they act LDS. My Bishop told me that he appreciates my honestly about not liking any of the shit in my ward, because he can tell that there are a lot of poeple who agree with me but have been taught that you NEVER tell a Bishop things like that, granted I was taught that too...I just don't care. He asked so I told him flat out. He's cool now that I don't have to smile and pretend to give a damn. Then after all of thatI found out that my best friend doesn't have to move. The legal system can actually do something right every once in a while. Well I have to go because the bell is going to ring! Loves to you all!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


Scared. That is what I am. I am scared. Scared about everything. Life, death, happy, sad...Everything that I thought I was so sure of, is suddenly coming crashing down around me...not literally. Everything is still in life...but I'm scared, because I look at it all and I think, "What if I really can't do this? What if I try and it's just not meant to happen? What happens if I try so hard just to end up at 30 with nothing to show for it?" It scares me.
I feel so scared,
I'm screwing up,
Making mistakes,
I'm afraid,
Afraid of everything I do,
I can't think straight,
My mind keeps ending up in the same place,Death,
It scares me,
I don’t wanna think about it,
It makes me cry when I don’t want to,
It haunts me,
I laugh,I laugh so much,
They think I'm happy,
I'm not,I'm crying,
Crying like hell,
Bleeding uncontrollably,
I make so many people happy,
Everybody likes me,
I don’t,I hate me,
I scare myself,
I cut myself,
I hurt myself,
I hurt myself more than others can ever hurt me,
It takes me to places I don’t want to go to,
It makes me enter places that haunt me in my sleep,
It tortures me,
It forces me,
It takes me to a dark room,
I'm lonely,
With no windows,
I'm crying,
I cant breathe,
Im so scared,
I can't move,
It's coming closer,
Closer,It's really close,
I feel it really close to me,
Breathing on my face,
Coming even closer,
I can feel it,
It whispers in my ear,
Times up.