Your dream starts as soon as you wake up

My name is Priscilla and I'm hot stuff! I was born in Oak Park, Illinois, and I'm now stuck in the hell hole that is goody, goody Mormon Utah. I know lucky me, but if I keep myself around my friends I think I'll survive.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Scared

Scared. That is what I am. I am scared. Scared about everything. Life, death, happy, sad...Everything that I thought I was so sure of, is suddenly coming crashing down around me...not literally. Everything is still in place...my friends...my school...my goals...my life...but I'm scared, because I look at it all and I think, "What if I really can't do this? What if I try and it's just not meant to happen? What happens if I try so hard just to end up at 30 with nothing to show for it?" It scares me.
SCARED
I feel so scared,
I'm screwing up,
Making mistakes,
I'm afraid,
Afraid of everything I do,
I can't think straight,
My mind keeps ending up in the same place,Death,
It scares me,
I don’t wanna think about it,
It makes me cry when I don’t want to,
It haunts me,
I laugh,I laugh so much,
They think I'm happy,
I'm not,I'm crying,
Crying like hell,
Bleeding uncontrollably,
I make so many people happy,
Everybody likes me,
I don’t,I hate me,
I scare myself,
I cut myself,
I hurt myself,
I hurt myself more than others can ever hurt me,
It takes me to places I don’t want to go to,
It makes me enter places that haunt me in my sleep,
It tortures me,
It forces me,
It takes me to a dark room,
I'm lonely,
With no windows,
I'm crying,
I cant breathe,
Im so scared,
I can't move,
It's coming closer,
Closer,It's really close,
I feel it really close to me,
Breathing on my face,
Coming even closer,
I can feel it,
It whispers in my ear,
Times up.

3 Comments:

  • At 10:01 PM, Blogger techie me said…

    so did you do the poem or that wicked awsome book of yours for english well who or what ever did it i love it
    i know how you feel too
    good luck
    i know you can sucscede(sp??)
    michelle

     
  • At 4:56 PM, Blogger Zachary D Harrison said…

    Skilla,
    You are one of the first people to make me cry in a long time. You can't hate yourself for being you. I've done it before but I got through it. Alright. We have to get together this weekend or I'll cry. I'll talk to you later,
    ~Zack~

     
  • At 3:10 PM, Blogger Preseela x) said…

    I love you guys...I can't say anything else or I will cry...meh...

     

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